and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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