her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
