we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
