I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
