You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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