I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
