capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Green mimosas i think yes
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
