I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You ate ashes out of my bong
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