Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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