Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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