I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I need water and some morals
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
