Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
