no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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