I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
