nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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