if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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