dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
pray to the hookup gods
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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