Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
