Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
