You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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