we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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