I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
