They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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