at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
