i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
