I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
