summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
How does it feel to date your dad?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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