If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
