Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
