They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
