things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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