that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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