Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Less talking, more tequila
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
