we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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