i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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