This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
