It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
