I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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