Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
