I think I am morally bankrupt
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
