I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
