I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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