i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
