If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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