i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
