Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
