he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
