I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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