the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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