It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
