you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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