so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
