My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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