Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
