So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
