worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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