I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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