It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
