Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
