Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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