Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm jealous of your bromance
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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