Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
