Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Fuck appropriateness.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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