Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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