Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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