It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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