Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
