im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm bleeding and have questions
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
