laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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