Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
