I hate all girls vehemently.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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