Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
